It's not easy being the author of the most widely read blog in the world.  At least I imagine it's not easy, since I have no real way of knowing for sure.

Although I have long been an advocate of personal responsibility and that all actions have consequences, I am now officially throwing in the towel.  That's right.  If I can't beat 'em, I might as well join 'em.  Effective immediately I am no longer responsible for anything you see here.  I am still writing it, I just don't accept any responsibility for it. 

Even though I am now drug free (I've always been drug free, but saying that you are now has boosted so many careers, I thought I'd give it a whirl), I am not responsible for anything.  The culprit is really the "Reply" button on my computer.  It is trying to kill me.  In fact, I believe it is conspiring with the "Reply to All" button too.  Let me explain.

People write to me all the time.  Sometimes they tell me they like my stuff; others hate it.  One guy challenged me to a duel; another time someone wrote that I was responsible for killing more children than Planned Parenthood.  In my semi-professional life as a lawyer, my clients seem to delight in my ability to fire off quick responses that are known to leave people - figuratively speaking, of course - lying in a pool of their own blood.  It's tremendous fun - and hard to believe that I actually (or sometimes anyway) get paid to do it.

But this unique gift has its downsides.  To illustrate, I suggest that you do try something at the dinner table tonight.  When your wife says something - and it doesn't really matter what it is - you respond with a question that begins with "Isn't it true that . . . "  Don't worry about what you were going to say after that, you will be dodging some projectile.

The "Reply" button is just so darn accessible.  And when someone takes me to task, it's all I can do to suppress some witty, caustic, or sarcastic response that if uttered a couple of thousand years ago would be destined for inclusion in sacred Scripture.  I mean, it's just not fair to expect me to keep these scalding responses all bottled up inside.  So why try!

When I realized that I was not really responsible for the things I write, it was downright liberating.  Since I am prolife - without exception and without apology - I often write glibly about an an abortionist who is killed, I mean, subjected to a post-partum termination; or the demise of someone whose life's work was causing the demise of the innocent. 

One day last week, one good friend whose opinion I value highly asked me if we should be rejoicing in the death of the wicked since God doesn't.  I thought it a good point.  But my "Reply" button actually took control of my body - or at least my fingers and I countered with the examples of Deborah and Jael celebrating the death Sisera (Judges 5).  If you don't know that story, Jael really nailed him.  I also referenced the Israelites rejoicing over the Egyptians being killed em masse in the Red Sea.  About the same time another good friend wrote me and told me to keep being - and she meant this in the most complimentary way - abrasive.  My "Reply" button took all the credit and thanked her for her erudition.

So let me know what you think.  I'm sure one of us will get back to you.

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I know we should walk by faith and not by sight, but this is ridiculous.

Meet Colombian tailor Miguel Caballero.  He specializes in making garments thatenable the wearer to get shot at point-blank range with nary an injurybesides, maybe, a bruised ego. At-high-risk-of-catching-a-bulletdemographics, such as rappers and politicians all over the world, relyon Miguel's handiwork.

Miguel is known as the Armored Armani.  And all employees are shot to assure quality control.  You really gotta want to work there!



Or think you might be included in an IRS voluntary compliance program.

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Our good friends at the Internal Revenue Service - and I mean that in the deepest, most sincere way - have long asserted that their mission of goodwill is fueled by a deep commitment to what they affectionately call "voluntary compliance."  Some members of our society genuinely fail to understand the benevolent mission of this pristine agency.  Others misunderstand their own obligations to fund outrageous deficits, sustain government unsustainability,  and to underwrite important activities by the vanguards of the public trust.

Well, in an effort to educate the general public and to extend the kind and caring reach of the "voluntary compliance" of the general public, the IRS has issued a requisition for sixty shotguns.  According to Solicitation Number: TIRWR-10-Q-00023 these are not just any shotguns but

Remington parkerized shotguns, with fourteen inch barrel, modified choke, Wilson Combat Ghost Ring rear sight and XS4 Contour Bead front sight, Knoxx Reduced Recoil Adjustable Stock, and Speed feed ribbed black forend, are designated as the only shotguns authorized for IRS duty based on compatibility with IRS existing shotgun inventory,certified armorer and combat training and protocol, maintenance, and parts.

For my part, I will continue to face Washington DC in prayer at least three times a day. 

I wonder if they could make it 61 and let me have it? I mean possess it.

I bet this will be good for the Armored Armani's business, especially if he starts an Average Taxpayer's Line.

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Bin-Laden tackles the tough issues, but questions remain.  Is he on the payroll?  Is  Tipper finally happy?

In an AP news report, it seems that Osama Bin Laden is taking up the banner of global-warming.  And all this time I thought the temperature inside of caves was constant year round.

Al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden has called for the world to boycott American goods and the U.S. dollar, blaming the United States and other industrialized countries for global warming, according to a new audiotape released Friday.  In the tape, broadcast in part on Al-Jazeera television, bin Laden warned of the dangers of climate change and says that the way to stop it is to bring "the wheels of the American economy" to a halt.

He blamed Western industrialized nations for hunger, desertification  and floods across the globe, and called for "drastic solutions" to global warming, and "not solutions that partially reduce the effect of climate change."  Bin Laden has mentioned climate change and global warning in past messages, but the latest tape was his first dedicated to the topic. The speech, which included almost no religious rhetoric, could be an attempt by the terror leader to give his message an appeal beyond Islamic militants.   

As proof of its recent production and authenticity, the message also embraces the key components of President Barack Hussein Obama's recent State of the Union address including getting rid of the dollar as a world currency, ending international slavery and dependence on America, and hampering the American war efforts in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Or maybe the POTUS used Bin Laden's speech to draft the State of the Union address.

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My guess is in the "extra crispy" section; in the room adjoining Margaret Sanger's.

Ruth Proskauer Smith, a reproductive rights pioneer, has died at the age of 102.

In 1969, Smith helped form the first steering committee of the National Association for the Repeal of Abortion Laws.  In recent years, Smith remained involved with NARAL (NAY'-rahl) Pro-Choice New York.

Her father, Joseph M. Proskauer, served on the New York State Supreme Court and was an adviser to Gov. Alfred E. Smith. Her mother, the former Alice Naumburg, helped found the Euthanasia Society of America, a right-to-die group.

Even after her 102nd birthday, Smith led a regular seminar at a program for retired professionals.  Her son, Anthony Smith, says she died Friday at her Manhattan home.

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I haven't seen the Super Bowl in years. Probably won't catch this one either. I have an old television that gets exactly zero stations. I enjoy watching sports even if I'm not tracking any particular team.

More memorable than the game are the commercials. Beer ones are the best.  For the last several years, I've watched the notable ads after the fact online. I remember some of them. I have no clue who won last year's Super Bowl. Or any other Super Bowl for that matter.  Except when I was living in Miami and the Dolphins went 17-0 in 1972. Or was that 1973?

This year two commercials have been discussed ahead of time. One is being received with a knowing grin. The other garners frowning disdain. Sadly, it ought to be the other way around.

Internet name registrar, GoDaddy (and, no, I will not provide the link) is infamous for its ads that sexualize everything. In our sex intoxicated culture, it's never enough. This year the company has purchased ad time and, according to someone who has seen previews of the ads, promises to turn the heat up a notch. GoDaddy, for their part, is promising to deliver “a Super Bowl to remember.”

Six years ago, CBS got tagged for more than half a million dollars for what was laughably called a “wardrobe malfunction.” This time around the network seems to be flirting with a similar fate by running the GoDaddy ads.

Tim Tebow has been very public about his faith. But he hasn't been “in your face.” In fact one thing that is so appealing about him is that he really believes what he says. In a world of so much make believe he seems to be the real deal. In many respects he seems to embody what Saint Francis meant when he said, “Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.”

Said Tebow:

I don't feel like I'm very preachy about it, but I do stand up for what I believe. Unfortunately, in today's society, not many athletes tend to do that. So I'm just standing for something.

The star quarterback from Florida is in the news these days for an ad that scheduled to run during this year's Super Bowl. According to ABC News:

The University of Florida campus is slowly catching wind of Tim Tebow’s decision to star in a Super Bowl ad slated to air on CBS on Feb. 7, and some say the ad’s message is bound to spark controversy. The ad spot was purchased by Focus on the Family, a conservative Christian organization that places emphasis on marriage and parenthood.

The Associated Press reported this week that the ad’s theme will be “Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life,” with Pam Tebow sharing the story of her difficult 1987 pregnancy -- instead of getting an abortion she decided to give birth to Tebow, the now-famous quarterback who went on to become a Heisman Trophy winner, leading the Gators to two BCS wins.

Sports Illustrated notes that Tebow “won't hide his beliefs, even though he could potentially cost himself millions in endorsement opportunities. That doesn't matter to Tebow. “He will be the quarterback he is. Coaches will draft him, or they won't. He will believe what he believes. Fans will love him, or they won't.”

Tebow's opinion on one of the nation's most contentious issues likely formed in the womb. Had Pam Tebow followed doctor's orders in 1987 and aborted her pregnancy, there wouldn't be a Tim Tebow. . . The younger Tebow won't apologize for his stance, even though he knows a lot of people will hate him for it. Tebow refuses to be one of those corporate jocks who only worships tiny pictures of Benjamin Franklin. That's probably for the best; we don't tend to learn what those jocks believe in until a 9-iron hits a window.

Of course, the usual retinue of women's groups want CBS to kill the ad. Much as they wish that Pam Tebow had offed Tim. Those paradigms of tolerance don't want such a controversial topic to cloud the otherwise pristine skies that surround Super Bowl advertisements.

The President of the New York based Women's Media Center – and sports philosopher, Jehmu Green urged, "An ad that uses sports to divide rather than to unite has no place in the biggest national sports event of the year -- an event designed to bring Americans together."

I guess they don't want anything to interfere with a woman's choice. Unless a woman chooses not to kill her unborn child.

So ads that relegate women to the role of sex receptacles get a snicker. And a commercial featuring a genuinely good guy and encourages us to “Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life” gets blasted for using “sports to divide rather than unite.”

If you are having trouble watching the game on your big screen TV with surround-sound, the problem is not with your set.

There is just something terribly wrong with this picture.

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This should clarify things for you.

I'm just here to help.

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Despite the rampant hysteria being foisted on us by earth worshiping tree-huggers, I have been a steady voice to warn the world of the dangers of Global Cooling.  That's right.  You should be worried - especially if your an iguana without health care coverage.  When you hold such a prominent position of power and influence, you get used to scoffers.

But vindication draweth nigh.

The Pew Center for People and the Press is reporting that of all the things Americans are worried about, Global Warming is dead last. 

They didn't list Global Cooling.  It's just too sensitive a topic.  We will continue to wield our influence with discretion.  Or not.

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Well tomorrow night is the State of the Union address by the President of the United States.  Sometimes these things are hard to follow, especially for those of us without a teleprompter.  As a public service, and in conjunction with Patriot Post, we have provided a little card, in the fine tradition of B-I-N-G-O (one of the Catholic doctrinal points I've never quite gotten).  Be the first one to complete the card, make sure you scream "Barack" at the top of your lungs, and you can win a prize.  We do it because we care.

Here's the card:

Now here's the prize:

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A colonoscopy with Abba music playing in the background.

I always thought I was pretty wimpy when it comes to going to the doctor. Dave Barry has me beat. But only by a little.

He recounts his own journey through the “Colossal Colon” (pictured above) to his own colonoscopy:

OK. You turned 50. You know you're supposed to get a colonoscopy. But you haven't. Here are your reasons:

1. You've been busy.

2. You don't have a history of cancer in your family.

3. You haven't noticed any problems.

4. You don't want a doctor to stick a tube 17,000 feet up your butt.

Let's examine these reasons one at a time. No, wait, let's not. Because you and I both know that the only real reason is No. 4. This is natural. The idea of having another human, even a medical human, becoming deeply involved in what is technically known as your ''behindular zone'' gives you the creeping willies.

Read the rest of the hilarious story here.

For my part, I've decided that I will do what Dave has done . . . wait until I'm 60.

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